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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25966834">You can't just buy history off a weapons rack...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>World of Warcraft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Crack, F/F, Swords, modern au?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:49:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,893</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25966834</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sylvanas finds out Jaina doesn't have a sword collection. All elves have weapon collections it’s expected of them.</p><p>- or -</p><p>The sword crack fic about dumbass lesbians.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jaina Proudmoore/Sylvanas Windrunner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You can't just buy history off a weapons rack...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><b>Prompt:</b> If she doesn't have a sword collection, dont date her. (A sword collection of zero counts. It just means the two of you need to fill it.)</p><p>In other words, if you want my hand in marriage, you have to lose your sword virginity.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jaina Proudmoore walked through her fiancée’s family’s home. Well, to call it a home seemed to be putting it lightly. It was more like a manson with its sprawling and seemingly endless corridors and colorful stained glass hallways depicting various tales of old. Despite the size, it felt warm, lively, and lived in. </p><p>Sylvanas Windrunner, her fiancée and soon to be wife, now that the agreement was finalized, led her around the estate. She stopped occasionally to point out a few colorful panels of her ancestors and told a few of their tales. Jaina noticed a broken panel and asked who it previously depicted, apparently it was great uncle Farenis, who slew a mighty dragon with his cooking skills.</p><p>Having never met her before, Jaina had to say that the tall blonde high elf was at the very least nice—the barest, minimum standard Jaina had for her would-be suitors—which was something she couldn’t say about her former fiancé. </p><p>Jaina took a sip from her wine glass as she slowly followed Sylvanas pass the double doors into the next room. Sylvanas mentioned how she thought Jaina would like this next room. She was correct. </p><p>The room was large with hard wood shelving occupying every inch of available wall space. Off to the side was a hearth and over the mantle were a few ornate bows and swords. Near it was a comfy looking couch with a table in front of it, to the sides were three armchairs. But the main thing that Jaina was interested in was all the books, the knowledge that lined the walls. Even if the marriage wasn’t the greatest, as long as she was left alone, she could easily see herself happily curled up on the couch with a fluffy blanket, book in hand, wine glass and cheese platter nearby. </p><p>Sylvanas looked at the weapons on the mantle—none of them extremely noteworthy, Thas’dorah was with her mother and would never be used as a display item—and remarked, “My family has a few swords in its collection, but it’s probably nothing compared to yours.”</p><p>Her words caught Jaina off guard mid sip, causing her to choke, “W-what collection?”</p><p>“The family armory and weapons collection.” She explained, like it would all make perfect sense to Jaina, who was still confused as ever, as Sylvanas continued, “Unfortunately, I don’t have many swords in my personal collection, given I have a knack for longbows, crossbows, and the like.”</p><p>Judging off of Jaina’s bewildered facial expression, it was clear something was amiss. Sylvanas quirked a long elven eyebrow. <em>‘She did have one, right? Kul Tirans? The seasoned seafarers, the greatest ones of…</em>’Sylvanas furled her brow, some random area that she happened to already forget the name of—but it wasn’t that important, the take away was that Kul Tirans were the best. <em>‘The Expert swordsmen. She</em> should <em>have a sword.’</em> She did read up about the correct human culture, right? She grimaced, <em>‘Great job, Sylvanas. Way to make things awkward by assuming things of her. And it seemed to be going well so far… BUT the lack of swords is appalling and downright distur—’</em></p><p>Jaina’s voice interrupted her thoughts, bringing Sylvanas back into the present. “We don’t do that anymore.”</p><p>Sylvanas paled yet was otherwise silent as she thought, ‘<em>No sword… at all? At all!?</em>’ That would change everything. <em>‘To think I almost committed the sin of premarital hand holding.</em>’ This would not do!</p><p>“If it means so much to you, I’ll get one tomorrow.” Jaina wasn’t sure what to make of her fiancée’s silent mouthing that seems to be one of ‘No sword?’ but if it would make things better she could easily swing by the docks and buy one from the blacksmith’s shop. </p><p>Sylvanas gasped, coming back to reality, “You can’t just <em>buy</em> a sword!” She tossed her hands in the air as she asked, “Where’s the <em>story</em>? The <em>history</em>?! The <em>LORE</em>?!”</p><p>“Aren’t those the same thing?” Jaina asked, as Sylvanas moved away towards a shelf.</p><p>“No!” Sylvanas shouted from far across the library, thumbing over titles on one of the many dark oak shelves. “Story is the fun part. History is who forged it or the trial and tribulation it took to get it.” </p><p>Having found the book she was looking for, Sylvanas pulled out the thick tome and dropped it down on the table with a loud thud, sending dust into the air. </p><p>Jaina couldn’t read the full title in Thalassian, only the name ‘Windrunner’ and the volume number ‘524’. </p><p>“The history and the story is passed down through time,” Sylvanas grabbed the book and hugged it to her chest, “and slowly warped into <em>LORE</em>, an epic tale of glory… and lies—but mostly GLORY, the <em>most</em> important part.”</p><p>“So what options do I have to gain a sword the proper way?”</p><p>Sylvanas’s blue eyes lit up in a I’m-glad-you-asked way, and she flexed her muscles as she listed the first option:</p><p> “A.) Get ripped and yank a legendary sword from a stone and be oohed and aahed at by adoring peasants.”</p><p> “B.) Wait for a special full moon and challenge the Lesbian of the Lake to a dual.” Sylvanas mimed a sword and made swinging motions. “Vanquish her and the sword is yours.”</p><p>Jaina was giggling from her antics, trying not to spill the contents of her glass on herself.</p><p> “C.) Search for an icy runeblade lost in frozen lands up north and gain its magical corrupting powers.”</p><p>The last part of Sylvanas’ sentence seemed to have a supernatural echo to it. Jaina could have sworn she saw blue eyes shift to red but when she blinked it was back to the normal blue she recognized on Sylvanas. Something from deep within told Jaina whatever she did, do not pursue Option C. Nothing good could come from it.</p><p>“So how am I supposed to kill the Lake Lesbian without a weapon?” That was the whole point of the quest. To gain a weapon. So did she expect her to grapple with the lesbian swordswoman? Or was a bought weapon okay for the fight?</p><p>“You <em>don’t</em> kill her.” </p><p>“You said vanquish.”</p><p>“Yeah vanquish, defeat her. Not <em>kill</em> her. What do you want to do, get cursed?! ‘Cause that’s how you get cursed.”</p><p>“Okay,” Jaina said, slightly confused. “So no killing. How do I best her?”</p><p>“She’s a lesbian, Jaina.”</p><p><em>‘AH!’</em> Jaina thought, <em>‘grapple nak—Oh...’</em></p><p>“There’s a good chance she might be a useless lesbian, or perhaps a disaster lesbian, or gods’ forbid a functional one. And even then you could probably distract her with an offering of sapphic prose.”</p><p>///</p><p>Jaina walked into the main room, where the rest of the Windrunner family was sitting, with a book of sapphic prose in hand. She couldn’t believe she was going to go through with this plan. All they needed now was the right timing. </p><p>Apparently news traveled fast in the household as golden hair elf—Alleria, Sylvanas’ older sister if she recalled correctly from their introductions 8 hours ago—gave her advice on how to best deal with her sword quest. “Whatever you do, dont kill the Lake Lesbian or you will be haunted by the Ghost of Gayness Past.”</p><p>The silver haired sister, Vereesa, chimed in, “Isn’t it the Ghost of Gayness Yet to Come?”</p><p>“As long as it isn’t the Ghost of Dumbass Yet to Come,” Alleria glared at Sylvanas. “We’re fine.”</p><p><em>‘What the hell have I gotten myself into with this engagement?’</em> Jaina pondered, wondering what kind of insanity did she already agree to marry into.</p><p>“Hey!” Sylvanas yelled, obviously offended at her older sister’s words. “The office chair wrapping paper tube joust was perfectly fine and safe.” </p><p>“Is that what happened to my bubble wrap collection?!” Lirath inquired, dropping the book he was reading, suddenly interested in the conversation.</p><p>“I left you with the rolls of inflatable bubble wrap and machine to add the air.”</p><p>“It doesn’t pop.” Lirath shook his head. One of the benefits of bubble wrap was protecting things, but the real reason to have it was to pop the air bubbles for fun. Bubble wrap that does not pop was a travesty. </p><p>“Then why add it to your <em>esteemed</em> collection?”</p><p>“I’m a completionist.” He yelled, tossing his hands up into the air, “You know this!” It was also the only reason why he was pushing his way through the disaster prequel to his favorite book series. He couldn’t just pass it up even though it was the blight on an otherwise perfect series. </p><p>“Anyways,” Sylvanas said, ignoring her brother’s outrage and bringing the conversation back to defending her honour. “The joust was fine.”</p><p>“Tell that to great-great-great-great-grand uncle Farenis,” Alleria countered, “you broke his face.”</p><p>“It was his everything! Well, all of him except for his boots,” Sylvanas corrected. “And that was Vereesa,” she said, throwing her younger sister under the carriage. </p><p>Alleria turned towards her youngest sister, “Vereesa, you destroyed the glass portrait of Farenis, Master of the Frying Pan, King of the Kitchen, Slayer of the Mighty Gluttonous Dragon, and great-great-great-great-grand uncle to us all?”</p><p>“You are missing the important part. She lost to the Undefeated Office Chair Joust Champion, Greatest and Most Beloved Child of Liressa Windrunner,” Sylvanas chose not to listen to the coughing and muttering of ‘most annoying’. “Collector of Bows, and soon to be wife of the amazing Jaina Proudmoore, once she gets that sword of course.”</p><p>Vereesa scoffed at Sylvanas’ self made titles.</p><p>“You’re a sore loser, Little Moon.”</p><p>“I’m sore because I went through the window, no thanks to you, Lady Moon,” Vereesa said with an eye roll. It turned out bubble wrap does not save you from major injuries nor can placing it over stained glass protect it. </p><p>“Sore looooooser~”</p><p>“Okay, how about a rematch? If you really are as good as you claim, it shouldn’t be hard to beat me again.”</p><p>One rematch and one new grand champion later, saw that Jaina was crowned the new Office Chair Wrapping Paper Tube Joust Champion. Sylvanas did beat Vereesa without launching her out a window. However, her family convinced (pleaded for) Jaina to challenge Sylvanas for the title, a title she promptly won after knocking Sylvanas out.</p><p>///</p><p>After Sylvanas woke up from her dirt nap 30 minutes later, the two of them took a walk outside in the garden when Sylvanas asked Jaina how she felt about their first meeting and eventual wedding. </p><p>“I was expecting some stuck up noble or the like coming from the Great House of Windrunner, not someone who—”</p><p>“—is as awesome as me?”</p><p><em>‘Seemed to have fallen out of many trees. The incarnate of lunacy.’</em> Jaina thought. “I would have gone with the word, ‘eccentric’ but yes, awesome works.”</p><p>Sylvanas was a charismatic and funny person. Her family was kind and supportive. Of all the people she dated so far, Sylvanas was actively interested in her and her hobbies and was open with her about her hobbies, as eccentric as they were.</p><p>Jaina looked forward to the full moon and challenging the Lake Lesbian for her sword and blessing. She would be happy to be Jaina Proudmoore Office Chair Wrapping Paper Tube Joust Champion, Defeater of the Lake Lesbian, Collector of Books, Drinker of Wine, Eater of Cheese, and (soon to be) Wife of Sylvanas Windrunner.</p>
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